Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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