In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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