i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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