things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
