just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
