I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
