I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
