I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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