The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
