i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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