mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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