I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
