Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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