Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize