none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
