They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
