Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
