Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
