then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
did i walk over a car last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
