my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
