even my farts smell like vagina
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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