Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
