K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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