The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
