I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
