Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize