i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
