What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
