Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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