Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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