They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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