My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
