Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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