Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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