"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize