god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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