Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
