Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
