omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
