the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize