so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
