Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
