I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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