Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
