Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
