Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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