have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
