His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am midnight drunk by noon
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize