So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
