Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
