The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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