I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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