We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
