this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
