did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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