I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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