be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
