Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
