I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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