Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
