Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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