Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize