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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
