I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
