thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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