who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
