A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
