I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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