I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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