Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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