I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
