he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
