I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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