I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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