so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
