wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dick very happy bro
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize