She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
