So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
