So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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