brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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