I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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