Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
