Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
