Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Farmville is her only friend.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
