he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
