cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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