my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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