when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
