dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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