why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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