Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
