this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
