I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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