I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
