Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
