all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize