Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize