I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
