I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
