I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize