dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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