Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is it because I queefed?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
