Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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