At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
