Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
